Shortly after my announcement, I began hormone replacement therapy (HRT). The hormones have been affecting my body in miraculous and wonderful ways. I no longer present an overly masculine body. I’m losing weight and fat redistribution is ongoing. A decidedly feminine shape is developing.

With almost eight months into HRT, I had a most disturbing thought. It is a thought that all women entertain every single year. I was watching television and the image of a woman with a beautiful body flashed onto the screen. She was wearing a sexy little bikini. I looked at this woman and tried to determine if her outfit was something I thought I might like to wear.

Now, it is normal for women to evaluate what other women wear and decide if the outfit in question is cute or not. If it’s cute, you try to figure out how to acquire said outfit. I do this all the time with regard to dresses, skirts, shirts, shoes, and jewelry that I see.

In the case of the swimsuit clad beauty gracing my television screen, I had that moment of horror and self-loathing that every woman experiences. Summer is just around the corner… swimsuit season is eminent… and there is some work to be done before I embarrass myself in a bikini.

I weigh about twenty pounds more than I want, but I still have time to work off that extra weight so that I can look my best before swimsuit season arrives. Thinking about this is normal for most women. The main issue I face is the fact that I have NEVER worn a bikini before. As a man, I always wore surfer shorts or something similar. As a woman, it’s a whole new game. I find myself in the position of having to go shopping for my FIRST bikini.

So, what do I do?

Transgendered women (for the most part) are afraid of exercise because they don’t want to bulk up like they did when testosterone ravaged their bodies. They have images of huge biceps and massive shoulders dancing in their heads. As a woman, this is definitely not the look you want.

I’ve spoken with others about the issue and the consensus is this… Estrogen is now the rule in my body and any exercise I do will result in the further development of my feminine shape. So, the answer to my dilemma is to simply get back into my old exercise routine and let my female hormones do their thing. By summer, I should be down to my fighting weight of 150 lbs with a killer feminine figure.

The effort I put into crafting the sexy new me will ensure that my girly frame will be ready for that cute little bikini I’ve got my eye on.

Onward to summer. Bring it on!!

Once you’ve been hurt by love, you tend to steel your heart by building a wall around it so that you are afforded some immunity to the advances of those who would make you a part of their life. I’ve said this before, but I agree with something my sister stated recently. She said, “It’s impossible to love fully and to protect one’s heart at the same time. Sometimes this stinks, but to never give love a chance would stink even more!”

So, what happens when someone walks right through your carefully constructed fortress of solitude? Do you call out the troops and send them packing, because you aren’t ready for love? Do you embrace the offer of love? Or do you accept that you have an admirer and simply take it day by day to see where it goes?

These are good questions and should be considered for the sake of your safety and sanity. Everyone needs the love of someone special. Hell, in the absence of Mr. Right, so many times we end up settling for Mr. Right Now. Unless you just don’t like your admirer or the spark just isn’t there, calling out the troops serves no purpose. So, what about the other two options?

Embracing the offer of love, while certainly expedient, is really a bad idea unless you’ve known your admirer for many many years and already have an established relationship.  In that case, you’ll have a really good idea if the relationship will even work. That leaves us with the option of taking things one day at a time.

Hrm… taking things one day at a time… this works in so many situations and in conjunction with wise decision making skills and having the support of wonderful friends is absolutely the best approach to engaging in a new relationship.

For example, I was approached by a man looking for a serious relationship. While flattering, there is no way in hell I was going to go weak in the knees and run off to Vegas with him. (For the record, he did not ask me to do anything like that, nor has he asked me for sex).  As discussed, embracing love can be dangerous especially when you don’t know someone. To be honest, I think he’s extremely HOT, very polite, and worth getting to know. Sending him packing would be the safe thing to do, but I have no reason to do that since I do like what I’ve seen and heard so far.

So, taking things one day at a time is the proper answer here. My new boyfriend has said some wonderful things and everything I’ve discovered about him is amazing. Given a perfect world I would say I have found Mr. Right, but I will take things slow and make absolutely sure that we are afforded the time to really get to know each other before I allow myself the luxury of dropping my guard too far.

If you have any comments or questions about this blog, please feel free to post here and I’ll answer them as quickly as possible.

Anyway, this short little blog is a shameless plug to let everyone know that I do indeed have a blog and that my main focus is the exploration of myself,  the world, and the universe. I like to play with new ideas.

I needed additional material for the storyline and to develop the proper feel for this novel. In March 2010, I performed research into relevant social issues surrounding the LGBT community. I planned to use this information as a basis for the problems facing my story’s protagonist.

As I researched information for my book I had unwittingly opened up a window into my own soul. I discovered that I had unresolved issues related to the fictional characters I developed for “A Simple Complication.” Something was wrong in my heart and the information I was being exposed to began to resonate deep inside me. I didn’t know what I was looking for, but my soul was screaming for relief.

While looking for answers, I watched a video featuring Lady Vixion on YouTube. She said seven little words that almost literally knocked me out of my chair. It was a revelation about myself that I had never considered before. She said, “Gender and Sexuality are two different things!!” Once I heard that simple statement I KNEW who I was and what I needed to do.

What was the revelation? Simply this. Being transgendered has absolutely nothing to do with my bisexual nature and everything to do with my gender identity. Please forgive the line, but I am a woman trapped in a man’s body. How did this affect me? I ended up losing a cherished relationship and was unable to deal with the loss for quite a while.

I finally figured out what my problem was. I was trying to hold on to the past instead of looking toward the future. I decided to figure out where I was going and what I needed to make myself happy for the rest of my life. Happiness is out there. I will find that one thing that makes me happy and I will hold it close to my heart for as long as I can.

I’ll leave you with these thoughts for now and will revisit this topic another day.

Relationships cover a wide spectrum of interaction and emotions. Interaction can range from a happily married couple and slide all the way to the negative end of the spectrum where two people find themselves to be mortal enemies. Emotion is fickle. You never quite know how you’ll feel about someone from one day to the next.

My sister recently stated, “It’s impossible to love fully and to protect one’s heart at the same time. Sometimes this stinks, but to never give love a chance would stink even more!”  I agree with this 100%.

Peter Wolf of the J. Geils band sings about this.  Their 1980′s song declares, “Love Stinks!”  I respectfully disagree. Love does NOT stink. What does stink is when love is lost due to an evolving life experience. No two people have the same exact experience or reactions to events in their life. This single fact can and often does change the nature of a relationship such that a love cannot be maintained.

Sometimes, love is felt, but never reciprocated. This lack of returned love evokes negative emotion which affects our position on the “sliding scale of love”. Don’t kid yourself. Nobody is immune to love. We crave it. We need it. We can’t get enough of it, but there never seems to be enough to sate our hunger. When you don’t have food, you feel it in your stomach. When you don’t get enough love, you feel it in your heart.

When love is given freely and returned in kind… which is to say, when you and your lover are kind and respectful of each others’ wants and needs… a flood of positive emotion can fill you and overwhelm you. Your position on the “scale of love” can slide all the way to the top and give you untold feelings of happiness and contentment. Is this “true love?” Some people think so.

In rare cases, a major life changing event can leave a loved one behind to wallow in hatred or self-pity. When negative emotions intrude on love, it can cause a downward spiral from lover to “EX” status. Love can crash just as quickly as it blossoms. Many relationships cannot survive a mild spring shower let alone gale force winds that can blow your heart about on the open ocean of life.

A perfectly matched couple who loves each other dearly will find a way to weather the storms of change. With each change, their love grows.

Do I love you more than life itself or do you make me want to vomit when I see you? I don’t know, let me check my daily horoscope in the newspaper and I’ll get back to you.

So, what is the answer to my original query?  Our experiences related to this topic have varying degrees of severity and are typically interpreted as different things. However, with all things considered, I believe that ALL love is “True Love.” Even a little bit of love is still love. Think about it.

Star Trek® was never about a single character, ship or even planet; Star Trek was always about an entire universe. And MMORPGs are uniquely suited to create such a thing and allow players to explore every inch.

With Executive Producer Craig Zinkievich at the helm, Star Trek Online went live on March 1st, 2010 and Cryptic Studios appears to be doing a bang-up job (that means “good”) of providing an awesome Star Trek gaming experience in an MMO setting. Despite the relatively high requirements in terms of computer hardware, my experience during beta testing was absolutely amazing. Since the initial launch, they have continued to add new content to further the storyline and to tweak gameplay to make sure that everyone from casual gamers to hardcore fanatics get what they want from the game.

Graphics are solid and the interface is quite intuitive. But what about the quests? Cryptic calls them “episodes” and I must say that they have done a wonderful job (at least in the beginning) of ensuring you feel like you are a significant part of the story line. As the game begins, you may feel like a young Kirk, Picard, or Janeway just beginning to make your mark in the Universe.

That sounds good, but how does an episode work? Generally, you receive your orders directly from Starfleet (either while visiting Spacedock or via Subspace Radio). Once accepted you pilot your starship to the region of space where your mission is to take place. Sometimes your mission can be completed in space. However, most of the time you will be required to assemble an Away-Team and beam down to a planet or a spacestation to accomplish mission objectives.

What about factions and playable races? There are two available factions; Federation and Klingon. In the beginning, you are restricted to playing an officer in the Federation.  Your character creation, available missions and ship choices will be limited to Federation only. However, once you’ve reached a certain point in the game you are allowed to create a new character and take command of a Bird of Prey as part of the Klingon Defense Force.

Conclusion? Star Trek Online is well thought out and expertly executed. It is a game created by Trek fans for Trek fans, yet it is extremely accessible to non-Trekkies as well. STO is the Star Trek game I’ve been waiting for.

For more information about Star Trek Online please visit their website at http://www.startrekonline.com/

Regarding the working title and the subject for this project, I find it funny how many hits I have found for the words “Simple Complication” and how often the subject matter on those hits relate to dating and marriage. I’ve always considered dating and marriage to be complicated and only for the strong of heart (literally and figuratively). Sometimes you get lucky (like I have) and have the love of your life thrust into your lap, but that is another story.

I promised some information on this project… so I’ll give you a little peek at what I’m working on…

“A Simple Complication” revolves around a 30-something woman named Jennifer Altec. She has lived by society’s rules, but has always had a secret desire that will never be accepted by her family or friends. After a major life-altering confrontation she reevaluates her life and is introduced to some new friends. These new friends not only support her views, but live and explore that lifestyle to an extent that Jen has only dreamed of. The path Jen is set on will put her into the spotlight and gain national attention. What is Jen’s secret? How will she deal with it? What will her family have to say about it?

The questions and the controversy related to the very nature of the fictional society I have created for this story will provide fodder for serious and heated discussion for quite some time. I have experienced this firsthand when I shared some of the details of the story with some friends. Their reactions were varied and passionate. Upon seeing that, I knew I had something special… something that had to be shared with the world.

So, back to my writing now…  *cheers*

There have been rumors of a “reboot” movie for several years and a couple of names have been thrown around. The latest name, Matthew McConaughey, has already been dismissed by producer Brian Grazer for the role. Matthew McConaughey is an excellent actor, but he is NOT Tom Selleck. I’m glad they nixed that rumor. The character and flavor of  Thomas Sullivan Magnum III has been indelibly etched in fans’ minds by Tom Selleck and no other actor will be able to successfully fulfill our expectations. So, don’t even try.

Personally, I am not looking for a “reboot”. I have five seasons of Magnum P.I. memories on DVD and am trying to get the last three seasons at the moment. What I want from Mr. Grazer is either a serious Magnum P.I. Movie, or a made-for-TV Magnum P.I. Miniseries that will give fans one last “Hurrah” with the original Magnum, Rick, and T.C.

Remember, “no Selleck – no Magnum!”

- I’m performing Malware Removal on the same computer for the second time in two months…

- I just cooked lunch for Chera…

- I’ll be jumping on my story manuscript in a little while…this will take a good chunk of my day

- Tonight I plan to watch this weeks’ episode of “Caprica”…

I realize these few items don’t make it seem like I have a lot to do, but TRUST ME, I’ll be busy ALL Day on this so-called “day-off”